How do I handle making more money than my man?

How do I handle making  more money than my man?

My immediate response from my gut is that there is nothing for you to handle.  You make what you make.  You worked hard for it, you made the the sacrifices to climb the ladder, you put your time in.  Why should this be a source of anxiety for you now that you with a man who may not be on your level financially?

That being said, this is an area where many of us men are still 'old fashion'.  Many of us believe in the literal sense that it is the man's responsibility to be the provider(money), the bread winner(money), take care of his family(money).  To add to that, many women expect men to be 'old fashion' in those very same ways.

While many of those tennants remain in place today and in my opinion, rightfully so, being a man today is or should be defined more by how we as men live up to the responsibilities of manhood, which have very little or nothing at all to with money. 

• Do we keep our committments and our word? 
• Do we provide worthy leadership in our home?
• Do we know our child's teachers and do they know us?
• Is the woman in our life happy?  You can define that for yourself

I say should because the reality is that we as men today are taught to lead with our money. Cars, bling, clothes, Cristal, etc. If you don't believe me, just check out the videos.  This becomes the standard, the guide and the expectation.

So setting the stage with that, answering the question, '"How do I handle making more money than my man?" is a little tricky.

If you're in a relationship, the issue of how much money you both make shouldn't be duscussed in the first year(my opinion).  Based on how you both make your money and how and where you're living, for the most part, you can tell how well the other person is doing financially. 

For practical reasons it makes sense for a woman to keep how much money she makes to herself in the early stages of a relationship.  There are some dudes out there that are all about gettin what they can from a woman.  The last thing you want to be as a woman is; how he makes his money.

Also, if you're at the relationship stage, outings such as dinner, movies, weekend getaways, can be a shared responsibility.  He takes care of it this time, you got it next time, he plans and pays for your birthday weekend getaway, you take care of the 6 month anniversary dinner and dancing, etc.

Some of you may be thinking, what if he asksme how much money I make?
....Let me say this, if a man asks you how much money you make in the early stages of your relationship, that is a clear sign that there are some insecurities there.  Look at this as an opportunity to bring him out of the dark ages of relationships.  Don't down play your life style, the things you like to do and can afford to do.  Show him that you are versitile when it comes to things you enjoy.  Show him that there are things you love to do that don't require lots of cash.

• Mix in pizza and movie rental night with Tavern on the Green and Jazz at Lincoln Center the nextnight. 
• Go hiking one weekend with a brown bag lunch and a shared canteen of water and the next weekend, spend some time in the wine country tasting a few pricey bottles of wine.
• Run that bubble bath for two with candles and strawberries and the next weekend, introduce him to the concept of a couple's spa weekend

Ah yes, but we still haven't answered his question,"How much money do you make?"

Outside of "None of your business", which probably does nothing to ease his insecurities, I only have one answer to that question.

Tell him that you make enough money to take care of yourself, provide for your needs and many of your wants.  If he isn't satified with that answer and continues to press you for a dollar amount, stand strong but gently on the same ground, letting him know that it doesn't matter to you how much money a person makes.

If he still doesn't get the clear message that you're sending him and presses on, it may be time for you to start thinking about your exit strategy. He may be one of my boyz that's not ready to evolve into real manhood.

Unitl next week, PimpSay.....make that money baby!



   

Can you be a true playa for real...with a Facebook account?

Maybe it's just me, but can you be a true playa for real and have a Facebook account?

Webster (slang) defines a 'playa' as someone who dates more than one person at a time, usually just for sex or other perks. Will typically do anything to have sex with someone, lie, cheat, steal with a great deal of deception with a hint of discetion.

Given this or anything close to it, how does Facebook fit into a playa's playbook?

I mean really, would a true playa for real telegraph his every move throughout the day?
.... I'm just waken up, bout to go brush my teeth
....Yo, heading to the gym to work on my pecks
....I'm in the drive thru at Micky D's, can I biggy size the Asian chicken salad?
....Yeah, I'm going to my boy's house for a party tonight, you know I'm wearing my wifebeaters

And what's the deal with all the pictures of 'Mr playa' from everywhere he's been?

The reason for all the pictures of different women would be??????what????????

Here are some things Webster wanted to say, but for whatever reason didn't. 

So, allow me:
A true playa for real....
....needs flexibility for deniability
....doesn't need 400 friends
....doesn't advertise his many female interests (victims)
....doesn't create more questions than he's willing or able to answer
....is not the type to live his life out loud
....aint gonna have his business out there like that
....knows that you can't biggy size a f**kin Asian chicken salad

Facebook by definition is a social networking tool where wall postings are basically a public conversation.  What part of this is compatible or complimentary to 'the game'?

That being said,

Pimpsay....respect the game or get the f**k out and let the true playas for real play.

I'll catch y'all next Monday.  Sorry I posted a day late.  I had some sh*t to do.

When is sex just sex?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

If you want to communicate with your man....

I think we men get unfairly criticized as not being good communicators or not being communicators at all. How many times do we have to hear the following:
• You never want to talk
• How come you don’t talk to me?
• What are you, the strong, silent type?
• How was your day and fine is not an answer?
• Is it me?
• Did I do something?
• Blah, blah, blah

Just so you know, we talk ladies, and most times we have a lot to say. If the goal is communication, then you’ve got to stop trying to get us to talk on your terms.

One example would be to stop greeting your man at the door with “We need to talk”. When that’s the first thing we hear when we walk in the door, we begin the process of shutting down. In our minds, under our breath or sometimes out loud, we’re saying “Here we go again”. At that point, the best you can hope for is to get your lecture in. At worse, an argument breaks out and the opportunity to communicate never gets a chance.

So like I was saying, you’ve got to stop trying to get us to communicate on your terms and start communicating on ours. Let’s take that same example. Instead of greeting us with “We need to talk”, how about, “Hey baby, I’m about to get a beer or a glass of wine, wanna join me?” With just that, we begin to relax and unwind from whatever kind of day we’ve had. Bring the drinks over to the couch, sit close and start talking about something mindless like, “Can you believe what Kanye did last night?”, “Why was Michael Jordan so bitter during his hall of fame speech?”, “When Michael Vick gone play?” You think Whitney Houston still gettin high?”. Shit like that.

After 45 minutes to an hour of just kickin it, we are now in the communication zone.
I know some of you are thinking, “A whole hour?” Believe me, whatever it is you want to talk about, you’ve probably been holding onto it and letting it build up for quite a while now. So another hour ain’t gone kill you.

Then, hit us with, “Oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something”. Now, our response will be something like, “What’s up baby girl?”.

Ahhhhhh…Communication :-)

Like they say, it where you start, it’s about you two ending up sharing your thoughts and fully engaged.

Now that example may not work for all of you, but you get the point.
PimpSay….make it work for your situation.

So until next Monday, get me a drink.

35+ and stil single is not the end, but a New chapter for you

Last week, we looked at some reasons why a woman might be 35+ and still single.  And some of you may have taken a moment and done some self reflection over your journey to 35+ and still single and began to feel a bit depressed.  To that I say, let's stop the pity party and start thinking about repositioning yourselves to move forward.  35+ and still single is only a relationship and dating death sentence if you make it one.

Let's start by keeping it real ladies.  Now that you're 35+, here are a few things that you can't do anymore....

....no more short shorts with JUICY written across your ass, can't do it
....no more belly rings if your belly button can hold a half cup of water, can't do it
....no more Beyonce' or Lil' Wayne ring tones, can't do it
....no more multiple hair styles on your head at one time (finger wave, bump'N'curl, a flip and a doobie), can't do it
....please, please, please, no more big hoop earings with your name in it, can't do it.

The first thing I want you to remember is that you're not competing against your 20+ counterparts.  It may seem as if you are, but the guys who are checkin' for them have a completely different agenda they're working on. 

Earlier I mentioned repositioning yourself.  What's your look?  What's your style?  What are some of the things that interests you?  By now, you should have a pretty good idea of what your signature look and style are. And if it hasn't been working for you, don't be afraid to tweak it a little bit. (That's just my nice way of saying break your shit down and start from scratch if you have to, and some of you HAVE to).

Where are all of the available men? The question isn't where are all the available men; the question is, where are you? So please stop asking that question every Saturday night while you're sitting on your couch watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta marathon.  'F' NeNe. 

Those days when all you had to do was just step outside your house, walk your dog around the neighborhood, stroll down the chips and cookies aisle at Stop N Shop, and a man would stop you for conversation and ask for your number, are now in your rear view mirror and moving further away.

Time to shake up your routine a little.  Time to think outside the box and develop some new hobbies and new interests. 

Where are all the available men?

For all of you physical fitness ladies and those of you who want to be, how many of you are into hiking and rock climbing?  Well, you might want to check it out.  There are hiking and rock climbing clubs/orgainizations for all interest levels.  Did I mention that the ratio of men to women is about 10 to 1.  You better get on it.  At those numbers, it won't be a secret for long.

Habla español? No, well you better drop 'jive' as a second language and pick up a real one.  Many community colleges offer foreign languages classes for beginners.  It's a perfect activity for study partners(exchange numbers) and going out in smaller groups (drinks, dinner) to practice the language in conversational settings.  I called 5 community colleges (unscientific study) and found out that the ratio of men to women is about 60/40.  Odds are in your favor ladies.

Now that you're bilingual, it's a perfect time to join a travel club.  Many people love to travel, but have a difficult time getting a group of their friends together to agree on anything, much less a vacation.  So travel clubs are really big for singles.  Built in benefits are that it's safer than going alone, you meet new people (men) with similar interests, you meet people (men) with disposable income and best of all, every man who is on the trip alone is single.  Think about, the last time you had a man, were you letting him go anywhere with a group of single women.  To quote the great orator Whitney Houston, HELL to the NAW!

You want to do something good for your community and make and major difference in the lives others and meet single men?  Think about joining your local search and rescue team.  It is a serious committment and one that's quite fulfilling.  Did I mention that the ratio of men to women is off the charts. 

Check out the calendar for food and wine festivals, especially wine festivals.  More and more men are foodies and even more are dominiating the wine tasting courses offered by the local wine sellers. And for the serious wine enthusiasts, there are the wine schools.  Get to know someone new over a glass of wine or two.  This also provides a great opportunity to do some extra credit work outside of class.

Basically ladies, my point here is that there are plenty of men out there for you to get to know and plenty of places and ways to meet them, but you've got to stop thinking and acting like you're 20+, cause 35 ain't the new 25, it's 30 damn 5! 

It's time to 'do you' a different way, a more interesting and exciting way.  Don't be afraid to turn the page.  Go ahead and see what's behind door number 2, open it, hell, kick it in. 

Until next Monday, PimpSay...
....The rest of your life belongs to you so... live it, love it and make somethin of it.

Why am I 35+ and still single??? she asks....

Why am I 35+ and still single? she asks....

There is no definitive answer for why a woman would be 35+ and still single.  It is very much an individual journey. A journey with ups and downs, twists and turns that are unique to every 35+ single woman out there. 

Now this post isn't for those women who are reading this right now and thinking to themselves, "Hmph, I'm single right now cause I wanna be".  That right there is a whole other post just waiting to be written. 

This is for those women who honestly can't understand why no man has swept them off their feet by now.  For the sake of full disclosure ladies, I really don't know why you're 35+ and can't exhale yet.  But let me run a few possible reasons by you that have come to me over the years......

Maybe you're 35+ and still single because.............

...you've spent the last decade measuring guys up against your list of 'Must Haves' and never spent any time working on your own 'Must Haves'.  How interesting are you? How deep is your pool?  Remember ladies, you're not the only ones with checklists.

...you've spent 6 of your prime years engaged to some guy believing that he was going to marry you.  It would have been  6+, but his baby mamma 'To Be' didn't want their child born out of wedlock. 

...when you were in college, you thought it was a good idea to give blow jobs at a frat party while being video taped. YOUTUBE....Who Knew? Can't blame that one on the Henni.


...when you were 23, if he didn't have a yellow gold grill and Thug Life ink'd across his chest, then he wasn't mysterious enough for you.  Now you're 35+ and trying to figure out your own damn mystery.

...when you were 25, you had sex with him on the first night and woke up at his place thinking he was your man--only to be asked to leave so he could meet his boo for Sunday Brunch.

...when you were 27, you spent 2 years thinking he really was gonna leave his wife for you.

...when you were 30, you married him believing that he only smoked crack on the weekends.

...when you were 33, you didn't realize that that loud noise you were hearing was your biological clock ticking like a BOMB!

Now here you are, 35+ and still single.....WTF?

Next Monday, PimpSay offers some hope.

WTF Moments.........

Let me share with you what I call WTF moments.......

You're giving him a blowjob and you look up and see him yawning......WTF?

He takes you to some chicks birthday party and all of the guests thank 'HIM' for inviting them.....WTF?

You're number 6 on his T Mobile Fav 5.....WTF?

He gets up to walk the dog during sex. Did I mention that it's his neigbhors dog?.....WTF?

He gets a tattoo on the small of his back......WTF?

You find a used home pregnancy test in the trash and your 'friend' already came this month....WTF?

He takes you to Hedonism Couples Resort in Jamaica and the person at the front desk says to him...."Welcome back". Did I mention that you two have been living together for 3 years....WTF?

Your girlfriend sees your man coming out of Victoria's Secret on February 12th with a purchase and all you get on Valentine's Day is a box of chocolates from CVS.....WTF?

You open your credit card statement and see a charge from Victoria's Secret on February 12th....WTF?

What are some of your WTF moments?

Check PimpSay out next Monday and see WTF is up.

Worthy Comments from the past

Break down these lines:
I need some space.
My battery died on my cell phone, so I couldn't call you.
Me and my wife are having problems.
I love you I am just not IN love with you.....

PimpSay said...
I need some space.........I don’t want to stop f**king you, but I do want to stop paying for by it putting all the time in. I don’t want to talk on the phone unless we are talking about when you’re coming over to give me some ass. And when you do come over, your ass definitely aint spending the night. I don’t want to drop by during prime on the prowl dawg time unless I’m getting some ass.

My battery died on my cell phone, so I couldn’t call you........Pay attention ladies. This is the playa that played himself early on by Overpaying from jump. He called you all the time, sent text messages to you at work and got you trained to expect the sh*t all the time. Now some other little honey with a big booty has caught his eye and wants a time (tick tock) refund on the investment he made in you. You know, I thought about that line for a minute and what I realized was that, I don’t think my cell phone battery has ever died. I asked a few male friends the same thing and although they’ve used that line before, their phone batteries have never died either. Now I know for a fact that this happens to women all the time. Their constantly on the phone with their girlfriends using up their minutes, 150 text messages over their limit, forgetting to charge it up at night, makes sense. But for a man? That’s like an Urban Legend or something, right up there with the one OGs used in the 1970s, "that’s funny, my car ran out gas". So "W", all I can say is, you believe want you want to believe, but know this……he’s lying.

Me and my wife are having problems.........Let me say this as clearly as I can, I don’t recommend any woman getting involved with a married man. The best advice I could give you would be to tell you that when you hear that line, and it is a line, put your drink down, get up from the table, leave the theatre, take his d*ck out of your mouth, whatever position you are currently in, just turn and walk away.

I love you I am just not in love with you.........I love driving my other bit**es around in your car, but when it’s time for an oil change, you should take it back to the dealership.I love the fact that you put me on your Verizon Family plan, but when that $600 phone bill comes in, you shoulda increased your minutes.

PimpSay………I think you know where I’m going with this one ladies. And if you don’t, well hell, I love you too, I am just not in love with you. When should I expect my Xbox 360?

Ladies, YOU gotta work as a Team

We won't change until you make us change. Don't take this all on your shoulders individually, it's the collective you (women) I'm talking to.

I can't tell you how many times I've had to listen to women complain about why we men do the things we do, why we say the things we say and why we treat you the way we do.
It's very simple. The reason we won't change is because we don't have to. We know that if you don't do the things we want you to do, believe the things we tell you or tollerate the way we treat you, basically put up with our bullshit, then we will find another woman or two who will. Maybe even a friend of yours.

Listen, most of us men know it's not right the way we do you, but the truth is, 'YOU' make it sooo easy for us to be with you that when a woman comes along with requirements and a set of standards we have to live up to in order to be with her, we move on. Why do all of that work when the next woman in line will do anything just to say she has a man. You can be mad if you want, but you know I'm not lyin.
If you want us to be better men, then 'YOU' have to be better women. "YOU' need to work together and raise your standards for us men to be with 'YOU'. If we know that we have to raise our game to get with "YOU', then guess what, we will raise our game like you wouldn't believe. The problem is, "YOU' guys betray each other. 'YOU' break ranks, 'YOU' have weak links in your chain, making it easier for us to pick 'YOU' off one chicken head at a time.

Like I said ladies, I know it's not right, but this aint about what's right. It's about what is.
And what it is is...............when 'YOU' step up your game, we'll step up our game.

Ladies first.

PimpSay is Back!!!!!!!!!

Yes, I'm back from my year long hiatus. I can honestly say that the inspiration for my return were the many encounters over the past year with some very remarkable and fascinating women. Some might even say out of the ordinary. Hmmm, is there such a creature as an ordinary women? I know........I know, contradiction in terms.

So thank you ladies.........for Everything. For Everything that you do for us, for Everything that you put up with, for Everything that you accept and embrace, for Everything you see but don't see, for Everything you hear but don't hear, for Everything that you buy from us and end up paying full price.

Now that I've gotten that out, I was thinking that on my return, I would focus my early weekly postings on addressing this dynamic. My goal is not to change you, but to enlighten you to what's really going on in the game and maybe you will decide to play by the rules in a way that benefits you.

I haven't forgotten about my boyz. There are definately some things we need to discuss, but since chivalry still has a pulse, I'm gonna let the ladies step to the front of the line.

I invite you all to participate with me. Send me your comments and questions, share your experiences and the experiences of others and let's see if we can have some fun with this as we dissect this thing we call the "Game".

So every Monday, a new topic will be posted and we will spend the week bantering back and forth.

I think it's going to be fun..........PimpSay Let's Play!!!!!!!!!